Christmas can be a very difficult time of the year to navigate if you have suffered the loss of someone dear to you. It can feel especially heavy when someone you love is missing. There is no “right way” to face Christmas after loss — only the way that feels most supportive to you. Carol Cochrane, a brainstrust support specialist gives her experience and advice on how to cope and be kind to yourself over Christmas.

Adjust or Change Traditions
You are allowed to do things differently this year.
Keep only what feels comforting. Change or skip anything that feels too hard. Christmas can be small, quiet, or entirely reimagined.
Give Yourself Permission to Feel
Grief doesn’t pause for the holidays.
Whatever you feel — sadness, anger, numbness, even moments of peace — is okay. Nothing you feel is wrong.
Honor Your Loved One
A simple gesture can create a sense of connection: 
- Light a candle in their memory
- Hang a special ornament
- Look through photos
- Share a story
- Do something kind in their name
Even a small moment can hold a lot of meaning.
Plan Ahead — and Have a Backup Plan
Some moments may be difficult. It can help to plan how you’ll take breaks or step away if you need to. Let someone you trust know your plan.
It’s Okay to Say No
You don’t have to go to every gathering or meet every expectation. Protect your energy and choose what feels manageable for your heart.
Lean on Safe People
Talk with someone who understands — a friend, family member, support group, or community. You don’t have to carry this season alone.
Create Small Moments of Comfort
Look for tiny, gentle things that soothe you:
a warm drink, soft light, a quiet walk, calming music, or wrapping yourself in a blanket.
Small comforts can soften hard days.
Let Joy and Grief Coexist
If moments of joy appear, they do not erase your grief — and they do not diminish your love. Both can exist together.
Be Kind to Yourself
Your heart is doing something incredibly hard. Move through this season with the same compassion you would offer someone you care about.
You Are Not Alone
This Christmas may feel different, unfamiliar, or heavy — but you are not walking it alone.
Your grief is real. Your love is real.
And it’s okay to take this Christmas one gentle breath at a time.


